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Post by CASSIOPEIA _____ on Apr 28, 2010 11:41:52 GMT -5
Cass sighed out what felt like all the air she had in her lungs. "Could it work that well? I mean is the answer that simple?" She could not believe it. She had worried about this, that possibly Benji would leave her later if he wanted children. Now evidently she could produce children and this was about the worst way to discover it. What if he left her now for that reason. The tears welled up again. "I-if I'd know I w-w-would h-have been more c-careful." Her breathing was slightly hiccuped as she ran her hands under her eyes.
Cass shook her head. "No, no I don't want to yell at you, I didn't mean to yell at you." She didn't want to anger those who might still be kind to her. Then she listened to his reasoning. "You all are like family to me but I can't ask for help from you, I just can't. With my illness I was thankful as I could not control that but with this I made a wrong descision somewhere. So I can't ask for help, it would not be right. I can't ask Benji to stand by me for this either, it isn't fair to him." She let out another long breath.
"I will have to find a job, I'm going to have to leave Hogwarts." She knew it would have to happen. Benji was the biggest issue in all of this. "I don't want him to give up his options. I konw he won't abandon the baby because he's a good man but he should be able to choose his future and chose one that he loves, and not because he feels like he has to."
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Post by JAMIE MADDOX on Apr 28, 2010 12:47:50 GMT -5
Jamie didn't know what to say really. He sighed for a moment and then spoke in a low voice, "well basically it was meant to do what it did... you know, restore the body's condition before the poison came... you know... heal it up. But we never expected it to work that well. " That was all he could have said. He shrugged after the fact and said, "i guess it really as simple as that."
Jamie nodded in understanding. "i know, but there is nothing wrong with asking for help when you need it. Good point but then again, it wouldn't be fair to him, to not give him a chance? am i right?" He understood that there was things that she would want to do herself or whatever. But he was trying to get her to see, that it was ok to ask for help or whatever.
Jay wasn't surprised that she said that she would have to leave Hogwarts. It would be a shame to see her go, but he understood her reasoning. "I see your point.but to play the devil's advocate here, there is a chance that he wouldn't see it that way, that it would limit his choices. Just thinking about some of the things he had said over the years and more recently, I can see that he does love you and he would want to be there. He would stick by you and the baby. Not by force, but by choice. But only if you give him a chance to make that choice and not take the choice away?"
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Post by CASSIOPEIA _____ on Apr 28, 2010 18:01:27 GMT -5
Cass thought for a few minutes. Was this really her fault. She had been as careful as she thought she had to be. She had been told that it would be medically impossible to have children. If she had known she could have prevented it, so did that make her irresponsible. She didn't feel like she was. Still there was a level of guilt that was hounding her at the moment.
"No, I can't possibly ask for that kind of help from you guys. You have been wonderful to me, especially when I was sick but this was my mistake, this could have been prevented had I known. I am not going to make other people help pay for it." She tried not to think about it, it was so strange that something was living inside of her and that it would grow.
"I know, I know, I'll give him a chance, I will but I just feel horribly guilty. He shouldn't have to face this and I shouldn't either." She was growing slightly more upset as she spoke, tears welling up once more. Then a sob hiccuped past her lips. She could not stop it and she could not hold it back. This was followed by another one until she finally just broke down into helpless sobs.
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Post by JAMIE MADDOX on Apr 28, 2010 19:45:06 GMT -5
Jay sighed and said, "I didn't just mean financial support Cass. i mean like help watching the baby while you work etc. that sort of stuff. Because most places don't like to have people bringing babies into work with them..." He made a face at that. At least His uncle and brother would allow her to bring the baby in if she chose to work there. He didn't know what else to say.
Just then...Benji had made his way down the stairs. He was going to head to the kitchens because he was hungry. But he stopped cold when he spotted Jay and Cass. He went over to see what was going on. He didn't hear anything that was going on, but he had noticed her sobbing. "Cass? what's wrong?" he asked quietly. He couldn't figure out her change in scent still, mostly because the thing that it was, didn't seem possible. so he had automatically stroke it from his mind.
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Post by CASSIOPEIA _____ on Apr 28, 2010 19:57:04 GMT -5
Cass sighed through her tears. "I didn't mean financial support either, I wouldn't let anyone if they offered anyways. I'll find some way of paying for daycare. I don't think that I could give up this baby anyways, I'll have to figure it out." She had hiccupped sobs all through that explanation and once she was done that didn't change. In fact to her dismay it only increased to a constant flow of tears as oppposed to just the sobs. Now she was weeping. Then things just got worse. Cass instantly recognized his voice and looked at him for a moment, her expression stricken. Then she hid her face in her hands, elevated to fully crying her heart out now.
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Post by JAMIE MADDOX on Apr 28, 2010 22:05:51 GMT -5
Jay shrugged at what she said.He muttered, "Just was trying to help." in a resigned tone. Then he shut up about the subject when he saw Benji come down. He shot Benji a look. It was one that was saying be careful. Benji looked between Jay and Cass. He was trying to figure out what was causing her to cry. He resisted the urge just to get up and go. He decided to come closer instead. He sat on the ground though and looked at her confusedly. "Cass... what's wrong? why are you crying?" His tone was worried. What was bad enough for Cass to cry like this. "please... Cass... tell me?"
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Post by CASSIOPEIA _____ on Apr 28, 2010 22:20:28 GMT -5
Cass put out a hand and squeeze Jamie's arm to let him know that she heard him and that she appreciated what he said. Still she was too distraught to speak and now Benji was there. She was almost painfully aware of his presense. It struck an all too real fear into her heart. She had to tell him and she had to do it now. She wanted to hug him and she wanted this to not be happening. In Cassie's mind this was the end. She woudl tell him and he would walk away from her, and she would understand. She swallowed once to try to gain her voice, but it was timid and shakey. "Benji... I'm pregnant... they were wrong at the hospital, and you.... you don't have to.... but I thought you should know." Her words were interrupted with the occasional sob. Then it was out there and she put her head down as now silent tears leaked from her eyes.
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Post by JAMIE MADDOX on Apr 28, 2010 23:12:57 GMT -5
Benji looked at her, stunned into quietness when she said that she was pregnant. after a moment of being stunned, he got up and went over to her. He pulled her into a hug. He couldn't believe it. So his senses were right? how interesting. "you're pregnant?" he finally asked quietly. He was just trying to make sure he heard her right.
Just that thought scared him though. But obviously one of the things he was worried about, he didn't need to worry about. But the other worries he did have to worry about. Like would he be a good parent? Could he actually be around enough? How to support her and the baby? all those thoughts were running through his head. But one thing he knew, he wanted to be there for her.
"Cass...relax." he said in a soft tone. then he continued on by saying, "i am glad that you told me... and... i want to be there. I won't abandon you. I promise" He grasped one of her hands gently and held it between his own hands. It was obvious that he would rather die than abandon the ones he loved.
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Post by CASSIOPEIA _____ on Apr 28, 2010 23:30:17 GMT -5
Cass could not speak at that point. She was not sure if she had gone mute or if her mind just could not handle it at the moment. She assumed it was the latter. She squeezed her eyes shut for a long moment but then things changed again. She could feel his arms around her which caused her to take in a gasp of air. She was so nervous, she didn't know if she was supposed to touch him or not. She nodded and tried to wipe away the streaming tears.
She was starting to calm down but she still felt sick to her stomach. She wanted to embrace him in return but she felt too frightened even to do that. She had the same silent fears as him, the same worries. What if this child grew up miserable? Grew up to hate her for what she was and the mistakes she had made. How could she possibly make this any kind of right?
She fell silent, the sobs stopping. Still she was shaking bodily, though she was trying to do what he said. "Wait, I don't want you to have to change anything. This is unexpected and no one's fault but my own. I understand if you don't want to be involved. I am going to leave hogwarts." She gently gripped his hand in return.
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Post by JAMIE MADDOX on Apr 28, 2010 23:50:10 GMT -5
Jamie silently left the room so they could have a private chat. In his opinion, it was supposed to be between them, with him not involved. Benji blinked a few times before responding, "what makes you think that i am changing anything against my will? and besides it is just as much my fault as yours really. that is if it is a bad thing..." He wasn't sure if it was bad or good yet. "of course i want to be involved. I would be as involved as you will let me be. "
He was shocked when she said that she was leaving hogwarts. well at least it broke his heart just a tad bit that she wasn't going to be around as much. "But where will you go? how will i be able to find you?" He forgot about his extra sensitive nose there. How was he to get through this last horrid year at school without the one he loved with him there?
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Post by CASSIOPEIA _____ on Apr 29, 2010 0:08:04 GMT -5
Cass was still stiff and trembling. She watched while Jamie left. almost wanting him to stay just in case. It was like shecould not find any sort of comfort in any of this, not that she expected to. "That is up to you. I can't make you stay and I can't make you go, this descision has to be about you, that is what I am trying to say. Whatever choice you make, I'll understand."
Cass nodded though she saw the look on his face. That was that, and there was nothing she could do about it. "I have to Benji. I have no money and in a matter of months I'm going to have a baby who I'll have to support. I need to leave and find a place to stay and find a job. I'm not sure where I'll go yet but maybe Krispin will hire me, I don't know. But you will be able to find me, I will let you know where I am. I promise." She was quiet then for a moment. She looked away, unable to look at him. "I love you, and I'm sorry."
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BENJAMIN MONROE JENNINGS
Seventh Year
Werewolf
The Lost Boys Lone Wolf
[Mo0:14][N4:ann.m.mowl#Ducky_the_Rper#musical_poet_ann##]
Posts: 367
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Post by BENJAMIN MONROE JENNINGS on Apr 29, 2010 1:46:49 GMT -5
Benji gave her a small smile and responded with, "of course not. But i can make my own decision. and i made it. I WANT to stay. You know... with you and the baby. I want to be there. " He wanted to be there every step of the way. In a way he was hopelessly devoted to her, and now to the baby as well.
"can you at least stay until the end of term? and i want to be able to help support you in some way... if you let me? We could get a place of our own so you will have a place to stay?" He kissed the top of her head and said, "I love you too. and you know i will try my best to keep you and the baby safe." Even if he had to embrace his animalistic side to protect them he would. Because no one gets away with hurting those that he loves.
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Post by CASSIOPEIA _____ on Apr 29, 2010 11:35:13 GMT -5
Cass nodded but she still wsnot done laying down her own rules for this particular situation. Since she had no control over whether or not it woudl happen she would control how it was going to happen. "You can be there as much as you'd like, it's your baby too." She could not help but wonder if he really meant it or he felt like it was some unfortunate duty and he was just being kind to her.
"I don't know if I should. Maybe though, maybe, I'm not sure yet." At the net part she downright shook her head. "I'll fine somewhere to live and I'll find a job. You need to stay here, you need to stay in school. I mean that." She closed her eyes for a moment and tentatively squeezed his hand before looking at him again. "Are you worried? I mean with the hunter and all? I'll be fine."
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BENJAMIN MONROE JENNINGS
Seventh Year
Werewolf
The Lost Boys Lone Wolf
[Mo0:14][N4:ann.m.mowl#Ducky_the_Rper#musical_poet_ann##]
Posts: 367
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Post by BENJAMIN MONROE JENNINGS on Apr 29, 2010 12:00:20 GMT -5
Benji smiled when she said that he could be there as much as he liked. It made him feel... important in a way. No matter how surreal it felt, just to hear that made him feel special. "well i will try my best to be there every step of the way." He said honestly. Sure there will be times that he will miss out, but that couldn't be helped. Especially with his choice of a career.
He sighed deeply and said, "just because i have to stay in school for classes doesn't mean i have to stay there for anything else. You know half of the time i don't even stay the night at the castle anymore. " It was his way of saying that he will stay in school and graduate, but that was all he was going to do at the school.
"to be perfectly honest, i am utterly terrified. especially because this hunter that seems to be after the werewolves now... is one sadistic MoFo who would torture one's family and friends in order to break the werewolves down..." He said in a scared tone. It was odd to have him be scared of anything like that. He winkled his nose and glanced at her with an intense look. "I refuse to let him get near you guys. I know you can handle yourself... but, it will tear me apart to see you hurt like the way that he is capable of doing. I Love You.... and that what gives me strength some days. to know that i am loved by the one who i love."
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Post by CASSIOPEIA _____ on Apr 29, 2010 12:34:53 GMT -5
Cass thought for a long moment as she looked at him and then interjected once again. "Well you will have to be there for at least a good part. I mean during the pregnancy that's up to you but this is your child too, and I really want you in its life. It should have the parents that neither of us got to have." That thought very nearly brought her to tears again. If nothing else she wanted this child to be loved, simply loved.
Cass nodded. "I feel like you should keep there, you need to focus. You missed a lot because of my illness already. One of us has to finish school and I think you have the best ability to do that." She put a hand on his arm and lightly rubbed.
"I don't think that he'll find us. After all is he really doesn't now about me, at least I don't think he does." Still that made her nervous and terrible images flooded through her head, causing her hands to move protectively to her still flat abdomen. "We are all going to be fine, you, me, and the baby. We'll be alright."
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