Still Mad?{ Izzy

[BENNY GALLAGHER]

It was a cool February morning.The year had seemed to go too fast for Benny but then again, perhaps it was because so much has happened in these few months that he never thought would ever happen in a million years. He never thought he would ever get married... much less to his best friend Emi. He never thought he would get into major fights with Izzy but seemingly he had done that a few times. Seemingly because of some decisions they each had made.

Normally he would let this get to him... but he was still on a post wedding high... one and a half months and counting. Sure it hurt him that one of his other best gal friends were still mad at him but it was his life and he was tired of having to ask everyone if he could do something or having to tell people he did something. Couldn't it stay private for once? Of course not. Things seem never to be private with him and he supposed that he had to get use to it. Especially if the band gets even more popular.

He had decided to come out to the lawns just to think. Not many people would come out here in this sort of weather. It had rained the other day, washing away most of the snow on the lawns... but there was still some areas that had massive snow areas. everything else was a muddy mess. Benny couldn't help but to laugh at it. He was lucky that he was wearing some old sneaks instead of his new ones. Didn't want to get those dirty quite yet.

[♥ IZABELLA JADYN JODINE]

Izzy hugged her arms as she walked. Even though she came to England a lot she would never get use to the weather. Walking she stared at the ground and thought about what her life had become. Hell on earth. She felt alone in the world and despised herself for every movement she made. Tears broke through as she walked. Everyone’s lives seemed so perfect and they all seemed happy then here was little old Izabella was broken inside and out. Looking down she bit her lip. Blinking as the tears fell she wasn’t paying attention and tripped. She tried catching herself but it was too late. Face flat in the mud is how she landed. Deciding not to move she laid there and let the tears come.

Outfit ruined by mud: clickey here

[BENNY GALLAGHER]

Benny had been walking until he saw someone face down in the mud. This caused him to stop dead for a moment. his eyes widen when he realized who it was. There was a moment of debate on whether he should go over to her or leave her be because she was upset for some reason. He sighed and whipped out a boogie board and hopped on it. He slid on it until he were right near her. Sure he got a bit muddied but not as bad as she did. "Izzy? are you ok?" He asked as he touched her side lightly.Sure it wasn't the best question because he could tell that she wasn't but that was besides the point.

[♥ IZABELLA JADYN JODINE]

Laying there she didn’t move when she heard the familiar voice. Closing her eyes she swallowed hard and turned looking up at him and blinked. ”Does it look like I’m ok Benjamin?”she said laying there then sighed and closed her eyes again and laid there not wanting to move. Izabella just wanted to lay there. Her days grew worse as they continued on. What was she meant to do? Life was hell and she knew it would just get worse.

[BENNY GALLAGHER]

Benny winced. It was bad when someone used his full first name. Hell not even the professors used his full first name. " obviously not." he said softly. He had sat up on the boogie board. Benny hated to see Izzy hurt like this but he didn't know what to do to make her happier. "but what do you expect me to ask? besides what can i do to help. As if anything i could do would help. " He was slightly bitter about that. He so wanted to help her but he didn't know how. "you shouldn't just lay there.... you could get sick..." he had said with a worried tone.

[♥ IZABELLA JADYN JODINE]

Hearing him she rolled her eyes with them closed. Raising up alittle she looked and him and shook her head. ”Let me go home. I’m tired of being here Benny. My life is just getting worse. I hate this place. I wanna go home.”she said softly as tears rolled down her cheeks. What was she suppose to do? Enjoy the hell of her heart continuing to break and continuing to curl up in bed and cry herself to sleep. She hated it. Rolling her eyes she looked down. ”It’s better then being out here in this hell.”she said softly. Breathing deeply she blinked then closed her eyes and laid back down again.

[BENNY GALLAGHER]

Benny gave her a look and said"if you want to go back home, then why don't you? but the school year is half over... ok more than half way over. just think.... after the tournament, you wouldn't have to come around her anymore. If that is what you want. " He sighed. some days he wondered why he even tried to be friends with her. "but if you want my advice... if you want your life to be better, don't just lay around moping about how hellish your life is, because honestly Izzy... your life isn't the worst out there. Go out and make your own life better instead of staying here. " He attempted to give her a hug. then he muttered bitterly that"the tournament is ruining things it seemed."

[♥ IZABELLA JADYN JODINE]

Looking up at him she shook her head. ”You have no idea how bad I want to go home. But ya know what…I can’t because of that damn tournament. You don’t participate. I do. Emi does. Kyle does. Emi has you and Kyle has his school but if you didn’t notice my best friend was killed at the beginning of this. I have no one!”she said and slammed her fist on the ground then stood up and looked at him. Shaking her head she breathed deeply and stood there. ”You say that because it’s not your life. You don’t know what all I go through. You know nothing even after all these years of knowing me.”she said glaring at him. Blinking as he had attempted to hug her she blinked and pulled away. ”You have no idea.”

[BENNY GALLAGHER]

Benny frowned and said, "well you did put your name in the goblet. You knew if you were picked you would have to deal with whatever happened.The only one who should be complaining about the tournament would be Emi. But guess what, i don't hear her complaining about it. because she didn't put her name in, the guys did. More specifically Benji did. " He understood how bad it was but still she did that to herself by putting her name in, if she couldn't handle it. then she should never had put the name in.

"Damn It Izzy... You don't have no one... you have your friends who care deeply about you. I know you are mad at us but still we tried to be there for you. We can't help if it is you who push us away. " said Benny angrily. then he said, "No i am saying it because there are people who in this world who have it worse than you. but guess what they make the most of what they have. They don't go crying about it. If i give you examples, you might not agree with me. But if you think your life is bad... just think on this... at least you have a family. Some of your friends can't boast that. You have children who love you, their mom. That alone is something to be fighting for. But no... you refuse to see the good you have in your life." His tone was feirce, more fierce than he has been before.

Benny was really getting sick of her moping and her pushing her friends away. "and besides how the hell am i supposed to be one of your best friends when you don't let me in? I mean sure i may have kept how fast mine and Emi's relationship was going from you, but guess what I was trying to keep it from everyone. Not just you specifically. and as for not telling you about the wedding, that was because Emi and i made a split second decision to get married that night. and was found out on christmas at the party. and before you go asking why we didn't tell you right after... it was because we wanted to have some private time without people being nosy. " He may have not needed to say that but he felt like he needed to. "you are the one who keeps pushing us away. I honestly don't know how many more times i can handle it."

[♥ IZABELLA JADYN JODINE]

Shaking her head she looked at him and glared. ”I knew it’d be hard I just didn’t know it would cost the life of my best friend. I didn’t know it would ruin my life, Benjamin. If I could go back in time to stop myself I would but I cant. I regret putting my name in. I regret agreeing to come to this horrible place.”she told him sharply. This wasn’t how she planned her day but it was happening and there was nothing she could do about it.

Shaking her head she listened to him then growled. ”Friends who stab me in the back and betray me! I am not pushing anybody but myself away, Benjamin.”she said as her face turned a little pink. Shaking her head she crossed her arms then blinked looking at him. ”Those people do not have it worse then me Benjamin. Infact they have it better then me. My life is ruined all because of this damn tournament. If you remember I was pregnant during the first task. You didn’t have to lay in the hospital bed after you miscarried and realize that you should be dead after a fall like that.”she said as her anger continued to rise. Breathing deeply she looked at him and listened to the rest and shook her head.

”How can I let you in when the walls I had have grown stronger because of the hell I’ve been through this year? I can’t let anyone in because it hurts to much. Benjamin you have it perfect. You have Emi. Who loves you and who will take care of you. I’m the one having to take care of others. I’m always gonna be someone mother. I don’t have a chance to love. Kyle broke my heart. Alex broke it twice. And now Albus….he’s broken it. Your breaking it. Jamie is breaking it. Jerad and Benji. They’re breaking it. Brayden and everyone else is just breaking my heart. You found love. Well what about me?! Where’s my love?! Where’s the person that is suppose to care for me? The person who is suppose to love me?! I push people away because no one can truly see how broken I truly am and I am afraid that if they do see they will break it too.”she explained standing there as tears rolled down her cheeks.

What was she suppose to tell him? That her world was perfect? That she had a french boyfriend that proposed and now they’re getting married and moving to Australia? No. Looking at him she shook her head and covered her face using a spell to remove the mud. Sobbing as she stood there she shook her head. ”It’s not fair Benjamin. I hate this place!”

[BENNY GALLAGHER]

Benny frowned and said,"do you think that the tournament is the cause of this? of Lucie's death? " He was quite curious about that. COuld people's lives truly have been spared if this never happened? Truthfully... probably. but then again, it was sheer bad luck in the case of Lucie. "what the hell do you mean by that Izzy? What have we done that stabbed you in the back? Just because we didn't approve of some of your love life? and look what happened, we were right not to approve because Alex went and broke your heart. Just like predicted. but we never could have predicted Albus breaking your heart either.And what? you are jealous that some of us have finally found love and happiness? "

He was sure that she was jealous. Otherwise what the hell did she mean about him stabbing her in her back, He did nothing of the sort. hell in fact he was one of the two that brought Madee back to her. He sighed gently and said, "well it was your own fault that you ended up pregnant that time. but i was sorry to find out that you miscarried. No one other than the people who have been through the same thing can understand what you went through." He winced at the idea of her fall. it wasn't the best thing to have heard from a friend.

"I don't have it perfect Izzy. Sure i am happily in love with Emi. But you of all people should know how troubled my life had truly been. so how dare you claim that my life is perfect. I just am lucky that i have finally found my spot of happiness. Sure you always would be the mother... but think of this, you are lucky to have someone who would always look up to you. Boyfriends and even husbands or whatever would come and go. but family and your friends are what matters. " he had said with a serious tone of voice. He was mad that she claimed that his life was perfect.

"you have just been unlucky in love. You will find the right person eventually. just don't give up. " he had said as honestly and as encouraging as he could. He would hate it if she just gave on love and such just because she had a hard life. "i know from experience that Love comes when you least expect it." He for instance never expected to fall so madly in love with Emi but he did. "you will never find love if you never let anyone in. Although i have to say... you really don't need a significant other to have happiness." He really didn't have anything to say when she said that she hated this place. It seemed like her life was filled with hate and hurt.

[♥ IZABELLA JADYN JODINE]

Izzy stood there and nodded her head. ”If we hadn’t of come here she would still be alive.”the girl said softly to him and looked away from him. ”You’ll never understand Benjamin and I don’t give a care about love and happiness because I know I will never have it.”she said looking down and away then swallowed hard and bit her lip. ”He doesn’t speak to me. I thought he was different.”she muttered to herself. Blinking she looked down and shook her head. ”I was unconscious for three days. I woke to find out that my baby was dead and my life truly was…over.”she said looking at the ground and shook her head as more tears rolled down her cheeks.

”You think I expected ito happen. I have already been pregnant 4 times and I thought I lost the twins. My life is hell. You have no clue.”she said softly to him and shook her head placing her arms around herself. What was she suppose to do? She had no control over the past or the future. Izabella wasn’t very happy with her life but she was in fact scared of what was to come. ”I loved Alex…”

Closing her eyes she stood there and shook his head. ”You didn’t have it perfect. Now it’s perfect. You have a perfect wife. You have a perfect marriage. You have a recording contract. You have great friends that are always there for you. As much as you say it’s not it becomes even more true.”she said softy looking at him then shook her head as the tears twinkled. ”Everyone goes Benjamin.”

Shaking her head she chuckled at it. ”Unlucky has nothing to do with it. It’s never going to happen. I promise you that Benjamin.”she told him looking at him with a serious face. Shaking her head, she rolled her eyes. ”You say that only because it happened to you.”she explained to him then turned and stepped away but then turned and looked at him. ”I will never find love period and you have no idea what it’s like any more. You have someone.”she said turning away from him. She couldn’t do it anymore. Her life was over and she knew it.

[BENNY GALLAGHER]

Benny nodded and muttered,"good point. but then again, if it was in theory her time to go... she would have been taken from this world no matter where she was. but i say that is just a theory." his face held a frown on it. He thought it was sad when a friend dies young. "you are wrong about me not understanding that. you forgot that me and the guys had a friend die few years back. It never is the same after they are gone." He looked down at the ground. He then looked back up at her and said, "if you keep thinking like that Izzy, of course you won't find any happiness. geez."

He raised an eyebrow and said in a tone that was half joking and half serious."i would kick his ass if you want me too... because that is just plain rude of him." He would kick his ass if he had a chance. "you want to know how i reacted when i heard you were unconscious.... I freaked out.Then i kept visiting you in hopes that you would awake. but i wasn't there when you awoke because i was pulled into practice. " He was sure she didn't know that.

He then stuck out his tongue at her before saying, "well you should have figured that it would have been best to have protection on or something if you wanted to make sure that you weren't going to become preggers at that time. unless you wanted to be at that time...." he sighed and muttered, "I knew that but i wanted to prevent you from him breaking your heart again Izzy... " All he ever wanted to do was prevent his friends from being hurt. but he never was successful in that.

Benny sighed and said,"things aren't always as perfect as they seem.Emi and I have our disagreements like any normal couple has. But the point is that life has its ups and downs and the best way live is just go with the flow." He chuckled and said, "you didn't hear? we gave up the record contract because we rather keep our own artistic integrity. we are doing this our own way... Indie style. " He rolled his eyes at her. "Again i say... we have disagreements but we have been so accustomed to each other so we usually end up working it out. They are like my family."

Benny laughed and said,"being unlucky has everything to do with it Izzy. and Perhaps it isn't your time to find love yet. You just need a break from all the relationships. Only then cn you be sure to find happiness..." He sounded like he knew what he was talking about even though he probably didn't.

[♥ IZABELLA JADYN JODINE]

Shaking her head she looked at him. ”She was murdered. Of course it wasn’t her time to die, Ben.”she said softly to him then looked down. ”He promised he was different but look what happened. He was just another a$$hole who used me for his own f-ing personal gain.”she said crossing her arms across her chest and blinking as she looked down. ”Screw practice. We used to be the best friends. Almost siblings. If someone else needed you like that you would have said ‘Hell no. I’m staying till they wake up.’ I know you.”she told him as she stood there infront of him.

Rolling her eyes she looked at him. ”Well you know I’m not the smartest cookie.”she said standing there then looked away and sighed shaking her head. ”All you wanted was to ruin my hope in him.”she explained to him as she stood there looking at him. Chuckling at the statement she looked at him. ”ren’t always perfect?! HA! You have no clue how perfect you truly are Benjamin.” Shaking her head she shrugged. ”No one tells me anything.”she told him as she stood there then shook her head. ”You only say that because you have what I want.”

[BENNY GALLAGHER]

With an air of saying 'if i were a betting man', Benny had said, "If i was a spiritual man, i would say... that the way she died isn't the point as it is when that matters. and perhaps it was her time which led her to being murdered... I don't know." He didn't like the talk of morbidity especially after how close he came to losing Emi. Then he said with a smirk, "well well well it seems like I was the only guy not to use you for personal gain... or at least of the ones you have had in your love life." He was joking but in that joke was a kernel of truth. He hadn't used her like the others had.

"Used to? " he had said in a hurt tone. Had they truly have drifted that much apart? "well what does it say for me that i had to be dragged out. and besides Izzy i have obligations. and also being in the hospital wing too much gives me the shivers. and admit it... you have been in there alot this year already." He hated that he wasn't there as much as she wanted him there but she wasn't the only one his world revolved around. His world really revolved around Emi and the guys more to be honest. which was understandable considering that Emi was his wife and the others were his 'family' and best mates.

"damn Izzy... way to box me in with that statement. I mean geez. If i disagree with you, it could be me lying because of all the mistakes in the recent past... but then again if i agree... it makes me look like a jerk for calling you stupid. " said Benny with a frown. then he shook his head. "no... i wanted to protect you and not give him the ability to break your heart or use you or whatever."

"if i was so perfect, then why do i always make mistakes. or end up hurting people that matter to me or letting people down? I am not perfect and i never want to be" said Benny seriously. then he had added, "if you were actually around, you would have known these things... but no... you are usually not around.